It’s snowing in Texas, a rare thing, and I realize something…
Although I’m sad as could be, it’s going to be alright. I’m going to make it, yet again.
I miss the snow, and seeing it tonight really affected me but I drew the happy out of it, the pure white good stuff, and that’s how I know it’s going to be okay. Because, in the past, I’d get melancholy about it and not be able to shake it off but this time I see it as a promise that my dreams are still coming true. I’m just having to wait for them a bit…just like I have to wait on the snow, sometimes.
I fell in love with the snow when I was alone, during those moments in life where you try to draw strength from something. I’m so glad that I’m able to see through my past and dig out the treasures of life that happened there. I’m so thankful that I have so much to strive for.
Part of my last post talked about how I will fight for what is good and best for those I love. I believe it’s safe to say that includes fighting for my health. If those around me love me then I feel I have an obligation to heal and move forward.
I truly believe that MPD is not a death sentence. MPD cannot be magically fixed, either. Those that do choose to integrate either still have issues later on that haunt them or work very hard to get where they are. I have chosen to work very hard to get where I am going as well but without the need to research details of my abuse or why I am the way I am.
Some feel this is not the best way to heal but many feel it is a good path. As humans we tend to feel the need to find out details and know EVERYTHING that happened. I have snippets and horrid memories of what I went through but I decided that it’s not necessary for me to replay or revisit those memories in order to heal.
Very similar to someone accidentally falling.
You fall down and you get back up.
Do you fall down and try to figure out why you tripped over and analyze why your feet moved the way they did or do you get up, brush yourself off and tend to the wounds that you suffered. I like to think that it’s better to get up, wipe the tears away and avoid walking into those same areas that trip you up.
This will keep your bruises to a minimum and you can focus on being successful and healthy.
Sometimes you need help getting up, and that’s okay, too. Accept the help, it doesn’t make you weak.