I’ve been working hard on my job search now that things settled down for me after surgery. Good things have been happening in my life and I’m so glad that I’m able to stay positive through all the hard things I was facing after my move back.
So many changes in my life have come up but they have all been super good for me. I’m thankful for that. I know it doesn’t always happen so smoothly when life throws challenges out to a person.
I’ve been staying very busy with work, my writing jobs, and my children’s schedules. I have a daughter thinking about her middle school years coming up and a son that’s starting football practice as soon as school is out. This summer will be interesting, to say the least, but nothing a gazillion other mothers don’t face each day.
I’ve seen quite a few mentions of MPD in the news lately since Herschel Walker (former Dallas Cowboy) released his book. I purchased a copy and plan on speaking about it here on my blog as soon as I can read it. I loved his attitude in the interviews that I saw, it was very much like my own when it comes to treatment and living with MPD. I never heard mention of him working to integrate but I’m not sure of that as a fact. I look forward to seeing what experiences he shares and what type of outlook on healing he has.
I have said before and I’ll say it yet again–every case is different and personal and the treatments can vary so much from person to person, but the big goal is to heal and keep going, to LIVE and survive. That, I believe, is why I used this coping mechanism during whatever trauma I went through. I had such a will to live. Why would I lose that later in life when I have far more to live for?
Not just two. I’m proud of where I’ve come but I do need, each year, to revisit this day. So I don’t forget.
What Valentine’s Day Means To Me (Part I, triggering)
What Valentine’s Day Means To Me (Part II, triggering)
And of course there’s more to the story but that’s what blog archives are for, right? Just peek at the drop-down menu on the left and you can go back to stories, or be more specific with key words and use the search bar on the left for the same thing. I try to tag all my entries (and I’m working to make them even more descriptive as time goes on) so things are easily found.
I feel strong yet reflective today. I think that’s good.
It’s hard to continually move forward when you have other areas of your mind that are stuck in the past. Part of integration is “growing up” your alters. I have always refused this, not based on my dislike of being “fixed” (although that is an issue many people with MPD will face) but instead my dislike of changing something that helped me survive.
If you have a tool that helps you out and does a great job…why would you go to another tool that might not fit the same job needs?
I’m facing some serious things right now and in the fog of it all I still find so much strength. I get a little mushy about my faith in God, I know, but it’s a big part of who I am. Many people with MPD are told through therapy to find a support system. My support system has been those close to me and I feel if I keep the faith I have and grow that up, instead of my alters, I can overcome anything thrown my way.
My efforts are truly paying off. Scary things that come about (divorce papers served to my door, financial issues thrown in my face with untruths, the verbal tearing down of my family that loves me by outsiders, etc.) usually serve to drive me down into a place nobody enjoys visiting. I’ve found that lately those same scary things are only pushing me closer to my God that I believe so much in (and who continually blesses me and my children), my family that pursues my happiness as much as they pursue their own and a huge amount of newfound and re-found friendships that I’ve been richly blessed with.
Looking to the new year will be easy for me. I see struggle, tears and heartache but I accept that everyone around me will see the same as the cycles of things to come works around the happiness, smiles and peaceful feelings. I wish everyone a Happy New Year here at the LwMP blog and I hope that I can bring you more advice, stories to help you deal with your own struggles and inspiring retells that will remind me, and you, from where I came.
It was a nice feeling to come out of the holiday season and admit to those around me that the darkness I felt creeping up on me wasn’t going to overpower the light that comes from being with family and friends. I had some issues to face just before the holidays (was it timed on purpose by the person that delivered it?) and I knew that if I allowed it to come into my life and change my outlook, I was allowing them to control my life.
My holidays were great and spent in leisure. I have set new goals to reach, looking forward. And, I’ve seen the goals I’ve already met successfully, as well as my faults that I insist on learning from.
I spent time with my children that is precious and will not be forgotten. I spent time with my brother and his wife that will always be remembered (who wrote that march again, bro?). I have given to others with the heart that I believe we should all have, not only during the holidays, but throughout the year…and I received abundant gifts from others doing the same.
I’m taking care of me, and with that comes the taking care of those that I love. It’s a nice chain-reaction, really.
Today is my last appointment for post-surgery. I had surgery back in August and this will be a nice day for me. I can put it all behind me and move forward with my goals. I plan to head out to lunch with my mother and then go to the Dr. The day started out wonderful for me today and I have high hopes it will continue.
I had a rough weekend, with a fall in the driveway that hurt my elbow pretty bad and soreness to follow for a few days. I felt like I had been hit by a car! Whiplash, from the concrete. I am recovering well and moving on as fast as I can. I’ve had very little depression, only light switching and lots of organized moments for the upcoming holiday season.
I’m working tons with my writing and gadget reviews and seem to have enough energy to make each day. I’m super glad that things are going this way right now. I’ve been journaling both here and on paper, and keeping very detailed notes of happenings around me. This has kept me balanced and mentally healthy, and I suggest if you’re having panic about the busy holidays that you try a few of those ideas to keep you calm.