Now called Dissociative Identity Disorder, this has been found to be created in a child’s mind during childhood trauma (sexual abuse, mental abuse, occult forced deeds and fear, and a variety of other traumatic events that could happen to a child) and during this trauma suffered, the (often) child will create an alter personality to handle the memories or the actual events as they happen, when they happen. This person then, after learning to dissociate from the event (make it seem as if it didn’t happen or forget details) will quickly learn this as a defense mechanism for other issues big and small.
While suffering the abuse, many times, the details aren’t remembered or the abuse simply “didn’t happen” in their own mind. Later, the mind, after splintering so much (many alters formed for many reasons) begins to reach a level and, as I’ve seen, the mind seems to seep memories. Mine came in the form of flashbacks and I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as I began to have more flashbacks I also suffered from panic attacks, migraines and body pains.
These pains are related to the abuse in some cases. I didn’t know anything at this time or suspect much and I honestly thought everyone had voices in their head that they dealt with throughout life. I was, as a child, many times told to “come out of Cat*-Land”. It was a joke said tongue-in-cheek but later on I realized it was quite true. I would hide in my “garden” because it was safe and I would allow others to come out and handle things for me.
My system is composed of an original personality that has yet to come out (wake up) and deal with the memories. I, Cat, take care of the system and I’m the dominant personality at the time. Femme, another alter, comes out at times with certain friends, and displays different behavior (they’re used to it, they met her first) like smoking, not needing glasses or contacts to see, low blood sugar and a few other noticeable things. When I am out (Cat) I use glasses or contacts to see (I think), I don’t seem to have issues with low blood sugar, I completely refrain from smoking and I suffer from migraines when others need/want space out. “Out” means to be the personality currently living, in a way. The personality that gets to have and hold the memories that day or moment or hour.
I have an alter that has issues with SI (self-injury, cutting) and has lots of shame around past events. I’ve had to really work with her and keep her at bay so that I could continue living my life and not scaring those around me. This is sometimes hard but I’ve developed many ways to work around hard times through therapy. I’m now off all medications and I have been hospital free for years due to a therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) that was created mostly for Borderline Personality Disorder but has been successfully used for many other disorders, and my faith in God. I learned coping skills, social skills I had missed as a child, and self-meditation skills that have kept me from having severe panic attacks.
I plan on going back to work gradually and I use my home business as a good way for me to slowly heal and come back to the real world. I haven’t had flashbacks or SI issues but I do still suffer from body pains (called body memory) and migraines quite a bit. I’ll work through those as much as I can.
My family knows about my issues and my children both realize, on their age level of realization, what it means to have this disorder, what causes it, and some of the troubles associated with it. After all, they remember many instances of their mother turning the water on in the kitchen and then forgetting who left it on (doing other things), forgetting appointments or practices (I always HATE that), having to be reminded of things she said earlier (getting better at this, called “shared memory”) and so forth. I think they still love me very much and they haven’t suffered, instead they have told me they like to help me overcome this and we work as a team at it.
My support system was a big help during my serious 2 year stint of hospital visits and trauma issues. They were always there to hold my hand when I would enter a new and strange hospital for treatment. Just having someone to listen to my memories as they surfaced and help me through panic, flashbacks, and self-injurious behavior was a big help. I have faith that God knows how much a person can handle and never gives them “too much”. We might think it’s too much but He knows. My faith has also helped me in my healing process.
As I battle this and life itself, I write about memories to get them out of my head. I thank you for visiting this area of my blog and welcome any emailed questions about my personal struggle. Thank you. Also found this just now:
MPD/DID Key Findings Quick Facts
From the National Foundation for the Prevention and Treatment of Multiple Personality
- Victims of multiple personality disorder (MPD) are persons who perceive themselves, or who are perceived by others, as having two or more distinct and complex personalities. The person’s behavior is determined by the personality that is dominant at a given time.
- Multiple personality disorder is not always incapacitating. Some MPD victims maintain responsible positions, complete graduate degrees, and are successful spouses and parents prior to diagnosis and while in treatment.
- A MPD victim (a multiple) suffers from “lost time,” amnesia or “black-out spells,” which lead the victim to deny his/her behavior and to “forget” events and experiences. This may result in accusations of lying and manipulation and may cause severe confusion for the undiagnosed multiple.
- More than 75% of MPD victims report having personalities in their system who are under 12 years of age. Personalities of the opposite sex or with differing styles are also common. Personalities within a multiple system often hold conflicting values and behave in ways that are incompatible with one another.
- 97% of MPD victims report a history of childhood trauma, most commonly a combination of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
- Multiple personality disorder can be reduced or prevented by early diagnosis and treatment of traumatized children and by working to eliminate abusive environments.
- While usually not diagnosed until adulthood, 89% of MPD victims have been mis-diagnosed include: depression, borderline and sociopathic personality disorder, schizophrenia, epilepsy and manic depressive illness.
- When they first enter treatment, most MPD victims are not aware of the existence of other personalities.
- MPD victims require treatment techniques which specifically address the unique aspects of the disorder. Standard psychiatric interventions used in the treatment of schizophrenia, depression and other disorders are ineffectual or harmful in the treatment of MPD.
- Appropriate treatment results in a significant improvement in the quality of life for the MPD victim. Improvements commonly include reduction or elimination of: confusion, feelings of fear and panic, self- destructive thoughts and behavior, internal conflicts and stressful periods of indecision.
- Multiple personality disorder has been recognized by physicians since the 17th century. While often confused with the relatively new diagnosis of schizophrenia throughout most of the 20th century, MPD is again being understood as a legitimate and discrete disorder.