So, here goes, my bio of sorts:
I am a 35 year old mother of two living in Texas. I’m going through some life changes and I’m currently living back home until I can get past some health issues. My children have kept me strong through all of this and although we have been through trials and tribulations together, it has only made us grow closer to each other through the years.
Speaking of my children, they are complete blessings. My son, the 16 year old, is going through those lovely times that teenagers love. He is in the high school now and is quite a handsome young man. He does pretty well in school but struggles with some classes. He is quick with math but hates writing/reading, unlike his mom. He loves to play football and we attend games frequently.
My daughter is 11 years old and has really been enjoying her new school as she enters 6th grade. She enjoys her school and is involved in band this year. She reads lots of books and reads on a higher level so it’s a challenge to find things that keep her busy. Maybe she’ll be a writer like her mom when she grows up?
My job has changed from a stay-at-home situation to a full time job. Although I have done web design, graphics design, brochure production/creation, business cards, complete system builds/upgrades, case mods., consulting and computer repair/fix and other computer related jobs in the past, I have more recently focused on having a job outside the home, and my writing is still a very hot thing for me.
It has been an amazing journey for me to move back to my home state and try to rebuild. I know that it will be easy to do when I get back on my feet. Since dealing with hard times in past years, mentally/emotionally, things slowed down to a crawl but I am now focused on finding my career–and online jobs make it easy for me to both get on my feet and spend time with my children. Hopefully this year will bring me lots of new opportunities.
So, this year there’s many hopes and dreams ahead for us – and I will blog about most of them and try to share my past with you as well so that someone can benefit from my experiences.
Here’s a post I had that gives more information about why I blog:
(was) STICKY: Intro, My life as a psychological dingbat!
Posted on Friday 6 January 2006
(edited on Friday 2 November 2007)
I’ve decided that my blog is way too “surface” for me. If I were reading it, I would see myself as an individual trying to hide something – but not doing a good job. Therefore, as I tried to sleep last night, I kept thinking about the depth of my blog & where did I want to go with this thing?
I post news stories, links, opinions, etc. but what do I have that can help others, or interest them?
I have a mission – it came to me like a bolt of lightning. My mission has been to open the eyes of others and help them walk down a healthy mental path. Did I say mental? Yes. How many times would you admit to seeing your Dr. for a cold? No issue there, you’d tell others and get some pity here and there, and then you’d take the medicine required to get better, right?
Well, how many times would you tell someone you went to your therapist 3 times this week? And that you were placed on medication to make you feel better, mentally? Most would rather die than admit this to others. There is such a stigma placed on mental conditions in this country. So many feel if they admit to taking an anti-depressant, they are admitting they are crazy or something!
I want to tell you not to be ashamed. Yes, there are places and times to bring this stuff up, and there are still items of recourse you must look ahead to and note before telling certain people, but don’t be ashamed. Don’t feel like you are the only one. You aren’t!
My story goes back to my childhood. Apparently something happened to me that was so bad I created a nice little “imaginary” world around my mind. (some would call it that, it’s very real to me)
I made lovely personalities that would lead me through life without remembering the bad things. I made alters that would protect my original personality and keep her safe from the bad stuff. In this, I formed MPD or DID.
MPD is multiple personality disorder – now called, by most professionals, DID which is dissociative identity disorder. Big words for a diagnosis eh? I have also been diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and a few other depressed oriented diagnosis names (dx’s).
Does this mean I’m crazy? No. I just found a new way to deal with the problems around me – and since it was when I was young, I used my active imagination and created what I thought would help me. I used a “work-around” to make my life easier, basically. Do I need this work-around any more? Probably not. I don’t have the same things happening to me (abuse) so it’s time to lay down those barriers and defense mechanisms but how?
I’m working on that.
I was hospitalized for the first time in 2003. It was quite an experience and I will tell more about those details in other posts, but this opened my eyes to how real my recovery could be. How, if I would just work hard, I could find the light at the end of the tunnel that would help my life run smoother.
It has taken me 2 years to find a direction and I’m finally focused on my healing. Through this tribulation I realized that I was going through it all for some reason. I surmised that it had to do with helping others. I want to do this somehow. I will help others.
I wrote an article for our local paper and outlined a treatment option for those with MPD/DID in the article. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I wrote under a pen name to protect my identity. Part of me felt that necessary – part of me wanted to let the whole world know what I have accomplished!
I chose to be careful and yet still write with the freedom I needed to write with. It worked, many were aware of the article and close friends knew I wrote it and said it was a great way to help others. I hope it has done that. I will post the article details here in my blog soon as well.
Anyhow, it showed me, by writing, that I could help others out there – not just those with a diagnosis like my own – but others that feel they cannot find help or that help isn’t out there for them. I felt this way in the past and I realize that if you look hard enough – it’s there, help IS there.
I was recently featured on a nationally broadcast TV show as well called the Mike & Juliet Show, that is produced by Fox, Inc. I told the world that I have MPD and I plan to heal and live my life. It was a huge step for me to be seen like that but I felt it necessary and I’m very glad I went.
I might sound crazy at times, or conservative, or sometimes I might surprise you with some serious opinions of my own, but I’m still me. I’m a person here on this earth trying, just like most of you, to live my life with gusto!
Don’t take me less serious because I have a diagnosis that most think odd or surprising. Don’t feel like you can’t talk to me because I’ve been in a mental hospital. Don’t feel like you’re at a dead end and there’s no help. Don’t feel like, just because you’re on medication, that you’re doomed to take it forever…
Today, I’ve been hospital free for over two years and medication free. Yes, medication free. I also fought active SI (self-injury self-harm) issues and have overcome that so far, although I know in healing there are steps you take. I know some cannot accomplish this and must take another path – but this was my path and journey and my goal was to be independent of the drugs that were being administered to me during a rough time.
When the rough time was over I realized I didn’t need those aids anymore. I’m working hard now to calm the voices in my head (yes, they are still there but they don’t feel as left out of my life now) and let everyone in me and around me know that I want to heal and I’m safe.
I will certainly share more details about my journey – but for now, this is where my blog pathway leads me and I plan to take you on the journey with me. This is my way of “writing a book” about my life I guess. Share with me, ask me questions, let me help you if I can.
But most of all – know that you’re not alone and that there is some pathway out there for you to follow–it just might be covered with vines and branches, hidden from your view. Let’s find it.