Even if it’s cut/pasted from a site, like she told me, my Mother has always had WONDERFUL advice. I sometimes even use it! She sent me an Email that said:
Now that a new year is upon us, it’s a great time to clear out the old so that we can bring in the new.
People and relationships: Clear out the energy vampires in your life who drain and/or exhaust you. Spend more time with the people in your life who support and energize you. Cut back on the amount of time you spend with drama queens, constant complainers, whiners, “meanies”, and “gimmes“. Start saying “no” to people and commitments that no longer fuel you. It’ll feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will make room in your life for more fulfilling relationships.
That seems like super advice, to me. How often do you have someone in your life that you think is helping you–when all along they are truly only draining you of all your energy and keeping at you constantly with needs FROM you instead of assisting you in a balanced way? I have friends that are “gimmes” but they balance it out by letting me be a “gimme” at times, too. It’s those that only “gimme” and never give back that are the ones you should rethink being friends with.
I have always been one to think I could help others or save them from themselves…it usually gets me into friendships or relationships that are troubling. I realize now that unless someone desires that change in their lives, truly desires and is willing to take steps to change, they will remain the same forever. I’m all about second chances (and third, or fourth) to those that I know want to change. I feel it’s important, though, to sever ties with those that only want to take, take, take.
Hey Cat! A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! Thanks for dropping my my blog to leave a comment. It’s been a long while since either of us have exchanged comments. Sounds like you had a great Christmas.
Your mothers advice is perfect. I think most of us have at least one person that drags us down and this is a great time of year to resolve to be true to ourselves and say no to those that drain our energy and never give back in any way.
Take care and happy new year!
Great post. For me it’s not only this specific advice about people who are not helping us.. but also about knowing when to say no to things… taking care of ourselves… this is very good advice! Thanks!
I’ve started doing this myself, weeding out the toxics in my life. I’m left with a mere handful of people I feel are safe for me to be around. Do I miss the drama and the trauma? Uh, no. Not one little bit.
Beauty, that is an incredible task, too, but soooo well worth the time and stress that comes with it. In the end, you WIN!
Paul, you have to remember that you are worthy. I have to remind myself constantly, I tend to forget.
Hello. I am new on this site and probably making a right mess of it. I call myself BiPolarGirl. (Guess that says it all eh?) Cat is it your mother who says words of wisdom and comfort about telling whiners and complainers etc to leave you alone? You know, cut ties from people who drag you down? If so is she one of your earlier abusers? I hope you don’t mind asking. I’m curious as to whether this is the case because then she sounds like a very contradictory person to me.
Meow!
Let me quickly say that she is not, she is a huge support for me and all that she says is encouragement. I don’t get where you say that she’s being contradictory, because she’s basically saying to get the positive parts of your life and push them to the front, and let the negative parts go away. I’m confused as to where you see anything in that that could be construed as bad or not supportive?
I don’t mind you asking at all~I have a very close immediate family that has done nothing but support me through all that I have gone through. I’m proud to share that with others, so when you ask, it gives me an opportunity to let them shine!
I’ve been following these comments… I loved this post when you first made it public!
For me, your advice (or your mother’s) was really helpful because I had to do exactly what she was suggesting… kind of forced into it.
I think your mother’s advice is a bit different from this: “pushing positive parts of your life to the front and letting negative parts go away”. If you are talking in general, yes, I agree. But if you are alluding to your MPD/DID system, I think that’s problematic. It’s easy to label certain parts bad and try to push them away. It generally sets up a conflict that cannot be won.
Paul
I agree, you cannot push yourself away from yourself and deep inside, if you truly understand MPD to the core, that is inherently what you are attempting to do. You have to, instead, work together as a team if possible and not allow things to collide. This is hard, and not everyone has it mastered, as balanced as I am, I don’t even have it down! So take it a day at a time and work on the internal system – but as this post says, also be sure you’re surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people in the process.