I am terribly sorry that you faced that treatment in your past, but now is the time to change your future and build on that incredible foundation of strength that you’re exhibiting every day! I hope you don’t think I’m taking this lightly. I’m quite serious when I say that you can overcome your past and become your future. And, for the record, I highly respect you for telling us what you did.

A man gets lost in a cave. It’s pitch dark. There is no light to adjust to. He begins to starve. Eventually the mind decides that it can survive if it eats the superfluous appendages.

These people are revered. They are suvivors. But when a child of twelve is raped repeatedly by his uncle and his friends night after night, you are okay that this person has an “un-natural fear” of 11:34 pm because that was the time on the clock when a group of 15 men walked in his room and beat him so badly that he nearly bled to death. He was raped so many times that he hoped for death, doubted himself and every thing.

Even now my system is repressing these things. I can’t give you anymore horrible details, but I can show you the scars across my back from where I was beat with a bull whip. I can show the scars of the time I was nailed to the floor because I wouldn’t hold still. I can show you scar from when a sweat fat rapist held me down and threatened to cut out my tongue if I ever told.

We all have systems begging us to keep the dirty little secrets. Our attackers, our family, society and ourselves.

Maybe we’re a coward for locking those emotions in a vault called We. Or maybe we’re just down right crazy. But I’m here. I’m a father who hasn’t touched his daughter. I’m a husband. I’m an well liked employee. I’m a son who has forgiven his father and loved by his mother. I’m a brother. I am broken.

If it weren’t for my system of dealing with this – I’m a lunatic with rotting corpses in my basement of every man that resembles my attackers. I’m a disease preying on your children. I’m a parasite waiting in the dark for your wife to come around the corner. I am evil personified. I am a destructive juggernaut hell-bent on revenge.

But you like the Zodiac Killer, Ted Bundy, Albert Fish, Jack the Ripper. You love to tune in to watch Dexter Morgan and The United States of Tara. You watch them for entertainment. I study them.

Why am I an outcast?

The zoo, as we call it, is a conglomeration of individuals who have developed over time. Each has a specific job. Our system is much like an integrated person faced with different situations. The difference is that the personality that deals with a particular emotion or situation has a different ideology that segregates the persona to a point of self-realization.

I am no less important than any other ego. I am strongly against integration. Cogito, ergo sum. In English: I think therefore I am.

I don’t like the name Ace. I am Me.