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Bringing Balance To The System

  • Posted on March 26, 2008 at 7:51 am

My son recently asked me if my personalities seemed to like different hairstyles.  He had noticed that one day I would have it parted one way, and the next I’d be in braids or pigtails.  Of course!  This is exactly what I talk about when I say that you can express yourself with some balance and still be “us” while maintaining your responsibilities in life and your obligations to others.

It is quite odd for someone to imagine having kids or teens in their head, I know.  But just like the expressions with hairstyles I speak of here, I also have to maintain good rest and eating habits.  It is like I’m working toward a healthy life but instead of putting my physical self first I’m putting my mental health first.

I find this to be my breakthrough when it comes to handling situations, living day to day, stepping back into the career world and being a good mom.  There are so many positives I have reached out for and pulled close to me in order to continue to be a survivor and not a “victim”.

It has made a world of difference for me.  But, back on topic, I can look at myself in the mirror each day and almost name each part of my system and how they helped me prepare for my day.  My system is still at work for me but instead of a fragmented set-up with chaos I’m working to include everyone in on being “us”, and somehow, it makes us appear as “me”.  I think I am finding self-love gradually and that is a great feeling!

Are you still searching for a balance?  Do you find, even those without MPD or a dissociative disorder, that you put your physical self first and might need to work on putting your mental health forward some?

I’m going to write more about what I do to keep balance and order in my system and where I feel I still fail on this…

Questions That Some Don’t Ask…

  • Posted on March 10, 2008 at 11:57 am

I was recently asked to answer some questions for someone that was doing a high-school paper on MPD. I thought I’d share the answers with you here on my blog, in case it’s a question you would want to ask but haven’t for some reason.

Ok here are my answers, I hope I was able to write it as well as I would say it:

When were you first diagnosed with MPD?

It was around 1999-2000 that I entered therapy for depression and blackouts that I was experiencing. I was in my 20’s and married with two children.

I knew I had lost time, I had actually become quite analytical about myself after finding some chat logs that didn’t appear to be written BY me but had my name in front of them as a nickname. I had this happen often and I felt
I was losing time and I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to find out without appearing “crazy” and I felt going to see a therapist would be my only choice. All my life people joked I went off into my own little world and I would act my way out of situations like seeing someone I didn’t think I knew come up to me and ask me how I had been and calling me by name. It baffled me but I honestly thought everyone else had this issue, too.

Once in therapy when I started talking to him about how I thought everyone had voices, I think he clued in. I was confused and really wanting to present myself as a well-put-together person but I also realized I had to be honest with him and tell him how I think things worked. I felt odd at times, after therapy, because I knew that my alters had been out talking.

I think part of me was reaching out for help because of the turmoil that I had in my head.

How many alters appeared?

I knew I had quite a few, but no numbers were apparent until much later. I drew a picture both as an inpatient and outpatient in therapy (I still have it) and I was able to identify over 18 named personalities with many still without names for whatever reason. I joke about having over 18 people in one body but it’s probably not an accurate number.

Were you scared when this first happened? (if you can remember)

My fears came in when I was looking to my past. That really scared me. I also got scared often when I would lose time and blackout, because during that time I was hit with self-injury issues and suicidal ideations by an alter and that created even more of an issue in my life. I didn’t feel safe and I felt helpless and hopeless during that time. I didn’t only seem crazy but I felt crazy and during most of my life that feeling wasn’t around. I was trying so hard to be “normal” with my personalities acting like everyone else that I had no time to really heal up or figure out why I was “us” instead of “me”.

It’s hard to explain to someone that I had an alter that wanted to die and harm herself but I, personally, did not want this to happen. It’s a very figurative thing to try to imagine from afar. Even for me and I was part of it.

Did you seek help for MPD right away?

No, I had no idea I was different until I had the realization that I was losing time and acting differently when around certain people. This came after I married and it was more noticeable I think because he was with me so often and saw the changes. I think my parents spotted it but felt it was teen stuff, for a time. I never showed hurt or pain because the whole
purpose of splitting is to hide that and protect the system. I was protecting my system full-force until I felt I found someone I could trust, my husband at the time.

Congratulations on being medication free! Is it common for people with MPD to become medication free?

No, it’s not. I don’t feel it’s the patient that’s choosing that path as often as it should be. I feel doctors approach this as they would a patient with an organic brain disorder or a chemical imbalance and my BIG push with my blog is that this is manifested in a person as a protection, almost an instinctive thing after certain buttons in the mind are pushed, a self-defense mechanism. Not a drug could change someone’s past experience. When something bad happens, molestation or rape, cult activities, whatever it may be that triggered this in someone with MPD, a person does what they can to survive.

I find MPD to be the last option for some that seek survival in harsh situations at a young age. That is my most basic way to put it and it seems to cheapen the reasons behind why I am the way I am but I think it’s important to simplify it for people on the outside. Medication for acute situations is great but I don’t think that long-term it’s a good idea. I think therapy and working through things, relearning social skills, and other options are FAR better choices for treatment of this specific disorder.

Living with MPD must be challenge, how do you overcome it? (in addition to writing your blog)

The biggest way for me to cope is via my support system. I feel very bad that people in the world are not as blessed as I am with close family that care about them. I also depend on God in my life and my faith, but He’s part of my support system. That got me through most of the horrible times I felt hopeless–it gave me hope.

And, journaling on paper, sharing with others via forums, DBT courses in the past (Dialectical Behavior Therapy helped me learn or relearn some of my basic social skills that I missed as a child) and assorted coping mechanisms. I do still have medication that I take on an as-needed basis for acute problems like panic attacks. I use them maybe once every three
months, that makes me feel GREAT! I don’t feel I depend on medication to help me along, I depend on ME to help me along and that gives me confidence to live each day…a day at a time.

So there it is! I hope this gives you all some insight as well. I don’t mind answering questions about this, I really think it helps spur more ideas for me to write about to keep others informed that either live with this or live with someone they know that faces the same challenges.

Snow Brings Good Thoughts

  • Posted on March 3, 2008 at 10:29 pm

It’s snowing in Texas, a rare thing, and I realize something…

Although I’m sad as could be, it’s going to be alright.  I’m going to make it, yet again.

I miss the snow, and seeing it tonight really affected me but I drew the happy out of it, the pure white good stuff, and that’s how I know it’s going to be okay.  Because, in the past, I’d get melancholy about it and not be able to shake it off but this time I see it as a promise that my dreams are still coming true.  I’m just having to wait for them a bit…just like I have to wait on the snow, sometimes.

I fell in love with the snow when I was alone, during those moments in life where you try to draw strength from something.  I’m so glad that I’m able to see through my past and dig out the treasures of life that happened there.  I’m so thankful that I have so much to strive for.

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