I get this question TONS! “Is it okay if I ask you about your personalities?”
I’m sure that typically it makes the person asking me more uncomfortable than it makes me. There are a few questions that are out of my scope of answering, because even I don’t know my whole system that well. But, more often than not, if you ask me a question I’m not going to get offended or upset about it. I will truly try to answer so that you can get more of an idea who I am.
To me, this is not unlike asking me what my favorite color is. Or what food I enjoy eating. You are only trying to figure me out a bit and you wonder, just like I might wonder about you, why I do the things I do…and if things you do bother me or trigger me.
In this same context though, you don’t ask a total stranger what their favorite food is right off, usually that comes with some conversation. So some questions do take more time to get answers for but I try not to discourage others from asking.
If you know a multiple, don’t be so afraid to be interested in them and ask them questions. The best thing to do is just…ask. If they say they don’t want to discuss it, then you know that it’s probably a sensitive question but they know that at least you care enough to ask.
I know that amongst my friends who are MPD that they appreciate my questions because it’s a good indication that I care about them and also that, if I didn’t understand something, that I care enough to make sure I’m “getting things”. It’s a good idea to do that with everybody, MPD ornot. I thought I should add that although it’s often fine to ask, there are still going to be some questions that are inappropriate depending on how well you may know the person you’re asking them of.
Many people I know are childhood or adult survivors of situations that have had repercussions on the rest of their lives. Its always amazed me when I’m talking to one of those people and someone else finds out that my friend is a survivor. Sometimes the person who has just discovered the information, having experienced a similar experience themselves, comes right out and asks “How were you abused?” or “Do you know who your abuser was?” or something of the sort. I’ve always been flabbergasted that someone who would know that, given how they may not know the person they’re asking very well, it would be inappropriate to ask them for their Social Security Number or bank access password or what have you, that it’s perfectly acceptable to come right out and ask them something that intimate. People who wouldn’t ask someone something very intimate about their experiences when it has to deal with a positive aspect of someone’s life sometimes feel completely in the right (or indeed, make it a condition of inclusion in some groups) to ask the same person questions of a similar intimacy that have to do with something that they’re still coping with or have established a coping mechanism for.
Now, Cat, I know that you’re not dissuading people from asking straightforward questions about your alters and your experiences with them when those questions come up and that’s a very good thing in my opinion, but I think, at the same time, there are some questions that, no matter who is asking them, are very likely to be inappropriate. No one should feel obligated to answer something that personal or inappropriate, no matter who is asking them. I think that it’s important to remember that.
Absolutely, I’m so glad you brought that up, too. It means a lot that you “click” into this and you’re right, so many don’t understand how some of the deeper questions can affect someone with MPD (or anyone that’s had abuse in the past). It’s a reminder that it happened and sometimes that’s very uncomfortable.