I knew deep inside that there was nothing I could do but be patient and work through the pain. I also knew the cutting wasn’t me…”catryna” was inside hurting so bad. There had to be a way to communicate with her.
My husband and I knew we had to continue our day and we had dinner plans. I covered the cuts up with a bandage like I always did and we got ready for dinner. It was an extremely strained time. We hardly talked and I knew he was both worried and confused for me. I was helpless…feeling hopeless…
We went to dinner and discussed, instead of love and enjoyment as the day called for, but my possible moving out. My self-injury was affecting my children and I had to take care of my therapy. I could do it alone and near them but getting out of the house might be a good thing. We could afford an apartment for a while and we talked of a 6 month lease. I was confused, hurt and desperate for an answer that would fix me.
We didn’t want it to come to this and we were NOT talking separation. It was an option that the therapist had suggested instead of having me in an inpatient setting. I could take classes downtown and work to find some independence. I could work through these emotions and not worry about being a “mom” during the struggle.
Would this work?
I have empathy, pain so huge, you don’t know what to do with it and you end up wearing it. I wish you only positive energy and a wish for wellness and working through all this. Do not be ashamed of your honesty. Those that do not understand are not worthy of truth.
Hugs
Thanks Babs…I really appreciate your comment and your visit.