I was married before this marriage. That’s right. Not only did I have a teenage pregnancy but I also had a marriage to a guy that is probably in trouble with the law now.
I met him when my son was under two and he was so good with him at first. He treated me well and I saw such a wonderful way for me to move on with my life. He asked if I wanted to marry him and I was aglow with what I thought was love. I realized before the wedding that little things were happening that might affect me and my son. I wasn’t sure exactly what but there were things…(drugs, lies, secrets)
I was told, by someone that saw it in my eyes (my mother), that I didn’t have to go on with the big church wedding that day. I could back out. All I could think about were the invitations, the people, the things around me already set up and how disappointing it would be if I made that decision to back out. No, my attitude was “I can handle it”.
I could until that night that I was trapped in my bedroom with him sitting by the door smoking a cigarette. He wouldn’t allow me to go check on my son who was having a hard time getting to sleep. He said I had no need to rock him… My son, to this day, remembers “mean J”. It’s amazing what a 2 year old child can remember! I hate that he even has this memory but I’m glad that I left.
I was told early in our marriage that he was making over $700 a week. Not bad for a starting family, right? I worked and he worked so we chose an apartment that ran around that per month. We got into it and I realized that he must have lied. I say lied, which is a harsh word, because there were so many lies that came out later on.
I was married only 90 days to this man. I don’t often think about him. Strange thing is, many times I feel I’ve only been married ONCE and that’s the marriage I’m in now. I think that quick mistake I made can be pushed under the rug pretty well except when I see a wedding photo from back then. Ugh.
Why didn’t I back out when I could? I thought I could “fix him” and make him a better person if I just worked to be a good example and lead him down good pathways. I realized then and I realize now that is impossible. You CAN help others but you cannot MAKE them change. Keep that in mind when you are making big decisions in your life. I’m not saying that you can’t live a dream…but don’t dream to live.
I was so dissociated then I miss some of the memories but I know my family didn’t miss them. I say “miss” because I don’t remember them…and they do. Details and things that they know and some things that came out later on about the abuse. It was short-lived but still affected me. I hope to climb that mountain very soon and “get over it” (as they say).
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That’s right. Lately the blog ad network that I write sponsored posts for has been handing out some large opportunities to their bloggers. I have seen one as high as $1,000 for just a simple post. The only requirements the blogs must meet on some of the larger choices is Alexa scores and PR scores.
I meet the requirements for some of the bigger money opps. so that’s exciting but I’m not going to go overboard with it. I think that I have been able to keep the ‘mood’ of my blog but still add a few PPP ads into it as I go, without it being TOO blatant. I like the idea that PPP pays more. They only charge a 35% service fee to the advertisers and places like ReviewMe have a 100% markup. I think that this discourages advertisers from using that particular service.
There is even a new post situation where you can review my post and I get paid $7.50 and you get paid $7.50 for doing it. I believe that’s to draw in new members to the PPP clan but I’m not sure. Either way, I enjoy, as I have said in the past, writing for PPP at times and bringing a different aspect to my blog. Not just ads but ‘creative prompts’ that can bring a story or two out of me while I write. If you see a block like this:
You know it’s a sponsored post…but that doesn’t mean I don’t put my own opinion in there! 
I noticed a few bloggers talking about the lack of news lately. There is a big pick-up of celebrity news and it made me think “why”.
I think I know. I think it’s not JUST the fascination of something we don’t know or realize in our day to day lives but it’s also that feeling of decompressing. Let me explain a bit.
You see, if we watch the news daily we will see bad news. It’s rarely something “big” if it’s a happy moment. Rarely does the news pick up on something extremely uplifting and it be BIG news. What happens is that you get immersed in bad horrid news and you begin to think the world is falling apart. It might be but does that mean you should sit around your house and watch it happen?
I think too often we get caught up and when news comes up like the Anna Nicole Smith trial or Britney Spears in rehab. we watch with numb minds and let some of our stress go. We realize how small the world can be during those times and that can be healthy. I think it’s good to have “mind-numbing” news on to take us away from the big issues. I do this in my daily life by playing games online (WoW, Sims, etc.) and getting away from the big issues.
This does not mean I don’t care about the war in Iraq and political issues. I watch shows and form my opinion and I pay attention to the issues. I write into political blogs and give my side of things at times. I have even had a comment on a blog I made for the local news station featured on the morning news! But overall, I feel that many get lost in celebrity news and gossip because they simply want to get away from the bigger issues for a while.
Why not? Do you find yourself doing this? Are you interested in celebrity news and gossip and do you know why? I’d like to know what you think on this one.
A sponsored post real fast to let you know that if you are in need of personal loans or information regarding them, this is a good site to visit. With options for unsecured loans, and even homeowner or home improvement loans, which are secured, you can’t go wrong.
What I like most about the site is the loan advice section they offer. Not only are they inviting you to read about loans but they offer advice that so many sites ignore. I know that in my life I have had both unsecured and secured loan opportunities. I have even been approved for a loan and decided NOT to take it. That is sometimes the option you want to take.
We had, last year, been approved for a home loan but I look back now and realize that the home we were looking to purchase was not in our best interest. We’re thinking of doing it again this next year when we can really look at the market and find what we need and want. I am glad we took that option.
Today I read something about how depression is usually, from outsiders, seen as something that needs a “reason”. Like, you can be depressed and it’s acceptable if someone near you dies. Or, you can be depressed if you lose your job.
What about those that are depressed with a really good life and a good outlook on things? Can you be depressed for no real reason? An unknown reason that you have no idea where it comes from?
I think so…what do you think about depression?