You can sit in your misery if you want. You truly can. You can choose to walk the path of self-immersion and focus on what you did wrong, what went wrong, how horrible things were. I did that once and I’m not immune to the feeling overcoming me still.
You can also choose to refuse to be miserable. You can look at what you did wrong and accept it, doesn’t make it feel any better, but you can then choose to walk forward and become a better person by not making the same mistakes twice. I’ve been doing this, too, and it’s helping me get where I need to go.
I know how terribly hard it is to read someone’s word in a blog when you’re in the depths of despair, but just take note of what they say and try as hard as you can to force change in your life. I can assure you that it will be the best decision you’ve made in a long time.
The focus of my blog is to show how distressing and hard life can be with MPD (or any other mental illness) while at the same time showing that it’s possible to overcome life’s hard times and make good things happen in your life. I’m a daily example of that and I hope that I can reach out and give support where it’s needed by sharing the good and the bad here on my blog.
Just a recap of why I blog here at Living with Multiple Personalities. I love being able to “pen” my thoughts here for others to examine and compare to their situations. I think it’s healthy for me and them to realize that we’re not alone.
It really hit me again (the Mike & Juliet show did a re-run of my interview this past week) why I blog and why, two months ago, I went on national television and told the world I had MPD. Many told me how exposing it might be and some feared negatives coming from it but overall, everyone I had close to me, knew how good it would be for me and for others to see me up there telling a bit of my story.
I know I cannot save the world, but I can do my part to share a bit of me with others so they can take that bit in and not be so selfish with the bits of them that need sharing with people around them. It’s all about support, isn’t it?
It’s hard to continually move forward when you have other areas of your mind that are stuck in the past. Part of integration is “growing up” your alters. I have always refused this, not based on my dislike of being “fixed” (although that is an issue many people with MPD will face) but instead my dislike of changing something that helped me survive.
If you have a tool that helps you out and does a great job…why would you go to another tool that might not fit the same job needs?
I’m facing some serious things right now and in the fog of it all I still find so much strength. I get a little mushy about my faith in God, I know, but it’s a big part of who I am. Many people with MPD are told through therapy to find a support system. My support system has been those close to me and I feel if I keep the faith I have and grow that up, instead of my alters, I can overcome anything thrown my way.
My efforts are truly paying off. Scary things that come about (divorce papers served to my door, financial issues thrown in my face with untruths, the verbal tearing down of my family that loves me by outsiders, etc.) usually serve to drive me down into a place nobody enjoys visiting. I’ve found that lately those same scary things are only pushing me closer to my God that I believe so much in (and who continually blesses me and my children), my family that pursues my happiness as much as they pursue their own and a huge amount of newfound and re-found friendships that I’ve been richly blessed with.
Looking to the new year will be easy for me. I see struggle, tears and heartache but I accept that everyone around me will see the same as the cycles of things to come works around the happiness, smiles and peaceful feelings. I wish everyone a Happy New Year here at the LwMP blog and I hope that I can bring you more advice, stories to help you deal with your own struggles and inspiring retells that will remind me, and you, from where I came.
It was a nice feeling to come out of the holiday season and admit to those around me that the darkness I felt creeping up on me wasn’t going to overpower the light that comes from being with family and friends. I had some issues to face just before the holidays (was it timed on purpose by the person that delivered it?) and I knew that if I allowed it to come into my life and change my outlook, I was allowing them to control my life.
My holidays were great and spent in leisure. I have set new goals to reach, looking forward. And, I’ve seen the goals I’ve already met successfully, as well as my faults that I insist on learning from.
I spent time with my children that is precious and will not be forgotten. I spent time with my brother and his wife that will always be remembered (who wrote that march again, bro?). I have given to others with the heart that I believe we should all have, not only during the holidays, but throughout the year…and I received abundant gifts from others doing the same.
I’m taking care of me, and with that comes the taking care of those that I love. It’s a nice chain-reaction, really.
One of my biggest issues is migraine headaches.
I was told once in therapy that it’s quite common for someone with MPD to get them. Due to the sometimes rapid switching between personalities, there is panic or physical reactions to those moments, and this causes your body to react physically to them.
I had always heard that a migraine was like your body going through a physical reaction and setting things up for your blood to move faster through your vessels when it was not necessary to do so, therefore creating some stressful pains in your head. I could be completely wrong about that, but I do feel that makes some sense.
If I’m switching personalities and reacting to an outside issue by dissociating from it, wouldn’t that trigger some physical changes as well? I suppose it would, although I hear many times that it’s probably a food allergy or hormones…I’ve heard many reasons it COULD be and I am working to realize that it’s pretty much something I will have to live with if it’s a side-effect to my mental processes.
I hate them still the same. Sometimes I get a nice aura to warn me ahead of time, other times it just hits me like a bolt of lightning and I have to hide in a dark room with no noise.
If you don’t have one, you probably know someone that does. That’s right, I’m talking about mobile cell phones and those that use them. There is a forum for each category of phone here, connected to the linked site. I enjoyed visiting the Bluetooth Forum area, especially looking up headsets, since I recently lost mine.
This site is informative and had lots of good details in the forum postings. They offer a 5% discount to for purchases made at a connected site, puremobile.com, so that’s a plus when shopping for new accessories or phones for the holidays. I found links to watches that offered Bluetooth capabilities for your cell, too. They keep time as well as control your phone, secret agent style.
