Living with MPD

Ok, so you all know that I have all these lovely labels attached to me and that many times, I scream “mental illness” by just being me…but a few days ago it really hit me. Literally.

I woke up with that groggy feeling the other day that reminded me that my dreams were so vivid I felt like I was on a journey all night, and therefore got no sleep. I knew what I had to do and I heard my dog at my feet talking to me, to remind me of that fact. She doesn’t bark like the typical breed all the time…she’s an Akita and they “talk”. She was letting me know, in no uncertain terms, that she needed to go outside and it was time to get up and make breakfast.

I woke from my slumber and instead of waiting a moment to wake, I hopped up and jogged immediately to the stairs. I walked down them with ease and grace, as usual, until I hit the bottom section where it turns just a bit. This means the stairs are a little more slender on the right side than the left. And, when you are not awake, you don’t always realize this fact. I think I forgot.

As you might have guessed, I threw myself down the stairs. Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I fell, and after regaining my composure I was able to stand up and look at the situation a little better. I think a personality threw me down the stairs. (yes, I am joking here, although it is possible that a personality/alter do things to your body to hurt you, ie. self injury, it is usually not in such unconventional ways…)

Later that day after ice packs and heat packs (due to my back having degeneration) I was feeling much better. My husband came home from work and instead of making me slave in the kitchen, like he usually does, he suggested we go out to dinner. He doesn’t take me out in public much (lies, all lies, but it sounds good) so I immediately jumped to my feet and agreed we should go and give myself a break.

We were seated by the waitress at a nice table in a nice dining room and begin to peruse our menus to order. I moved my hand wrong and the salt shaker next to me started spinning on its side. My husband, daughter and son were all looking over the menus so I quickly cleaned up the mess and gave them an evil eye if they were chuckling.

As soon as we finished looking over the menus, I slammed my menu closed and as I went to set it down, and for some unknown reason, I aimed for my eye. I don’t know how these things happen, really. These specific menus have a nice metal corner to them (fancy, you know) and it hit me directly in the eye which made me react kind of funny. It hurt! I reacted by leaning my head back, away from the protruding menu corner, and hitting the back of my head against the back of the booth we were sitting in.

At this point my family support system has fled. My husband is in a fit of laughter and both my beautiful children have lost their minds. (and I thought it was ME!) I’m holding one eye and the back of my head and trying not to cry or laugh. It hurt! Later that night I’m sitting at the computer trying to work and my right eye is blurry. I slept and it has healed now but retelling the story was important to me.

So you can laugh at me…errr, with me! I have to know though, have you had days like this where NOTHING you do is right and you flail around like a fish out of water?